DAY & DATE : Monday, July 30, 2007
ENGLISH
i thought i have been improving
and i thought i am getting better at it .
but the indication on the paper doesn't really seemed convincing .
i thought i did pretty okay for oral english .
25 is what i got.
when i expected more than 30 marks .
i might be in self denial state though ,
i always thought that i should not lose out
must do anything better than any boys ,
but in truth ,
i had merely been just a boy who is actually not very smart
but behaves like he knew everything .
i guess i need to knock some sense into myself ,
some sense that contains reasonable maturity level
i have to learn how to let go .
i must learn how to accept that i'm in fact LOUSIER than certain boys.
i'm not the best anymore.
MY EXPLANATION
you see ,
how did i get the impression that i'm always the best ?
my lower secondary
i had been the best and the best amongst the boys ,
top in this for boys ,
top in that for boys ,
top this top that ,
top in home econs .
plus minus , average ,
i'm always this highest rank in my class position for guys .
see , for two consecutive years ,
doesn't that confirmed about your smartness ?
for me , it does .
i told myself i should carry on with this position till i graduate .
sometimes , i even further my inspirational thoughts ,
BECOMING THE TOP STUDENTS FOR BOYS .
oh , but however ,
people are starting to get hardworking nowadays.
and i've just came to a realisation that boys in my class are smarter than i am,
but they just don't want to put in effort.
and i'm just extra hardworking than them ,
which contrast me with the other boys .
boys are playful at these age ,
they play soccer ,
they go basketball ,
they talk like nobody business ,
they hang along with guys .
unlike yours truly ,
i don't play soccer .
it's explainable . maybe i just simply don't like it ?!
same goes for basketball .
but i dunno how am i going to explain the part where i gossip with girls ,
hang along with girls ,
worst of all , behaved like a girl .
it just bring shame to the guys .
however , i'm proud being a boy .
maybe because i'm already one ,
and i don't have to go through the process of getting pregnant .
i'm just so SISSY
note : i'm kind of agreeing with people who called me sissy for the same reason i gave myself,
but i certainly do not agree fully with what people said .
like gossip are for girls .
because gossip is not a sin ,
it's an ART !
oh gosh , i had elaborated so much on this silly stuff .
so how good am i at complaining on nonsensical issues
GAY
dear readers ,
i would like to make this clear to all ,
in case any of you doesn't get the meaning of the word GAY clear.
from the dictionary ,
it kinda explain the word gay as being joyous and lively mood.
another meaning , homosexuality .
yea , this is where i want to comment on .
people , please don't get mix up the word gay with the word sissy .
because they are different .
gay refers to happy and homosexuality and the sissy refers to an effeminate boy.
it is completely different .
so , if you're so tempted to call me a sissy ,
use sissy , not gay .
like i said , it's completely different.
SPA
practicals had been pressurizing me .
the insecurity ,
the inability to understand what the experiment wants ,
for those who are taking SPA out there ,
skill 3 .
chemistry and physics ,
both SKILL 3 !!!
LIFE
hey , for those who are out there ,
which means those who are not in my school ,
how's life ?
particularly , i'm referring to those who has a close relation with me.
i hope you guys are mugging real hard for O levels .
hah !
easy for me to say that .
but in reality , i had been wasting my time ,
laze around ,
slack here and there ,
finding excuses not to do my work ,
then try to rush in the midnight one day before the deadline .
entering sec 4 ,
life has been a havoc.
there's no slightest time for you to laze around.
no band ,
no mallets ,
no surprises ,
hectic schedule .
i guess i'm not quite ready for O levels yet.
O LEVELS , PLEASE STEP BACK!
as if o levels can hear.
look , it's only secondary school life and i'm complaining hell lots of stuff
and i knew it's just the beginning .
there's lots more to come .
saint andrews is still my choice.
my mum says , if i get into saint andrews ,
she would buy a car and fetch me to school every morning .
isn't that lovely ?
for that , i would wake myself up and do well in O levels .
i always imagine myself in saint andrews' uniform.
how smart !
OVER-CONFIDENT
i think i regard myself too high .
i always think i'm a single digit pointer
and often think that i am able to achieve the single digit for my aggregate ,
but again , in reality ,
i am just a 20+ pointer !
accompanied by the E8 for english .
i need to buck up .
there's no motivational factor that pushes me .
i need my motivation now , before it's too late.
APOLOGY
sorry guys ,
i kinda typed alot of crap about what i thought
and alot of rubbish which you may not have any interest in.
sorry i had bored you guys .
it has been long since the last time i write like this.
it's time for me to let some of my thoughts out .
if not, in time to come , i'm afraid it might just explode.
MOOD FORECAST
how i wish i have this skill to foresee my mood.
my mood these few days had been rather random
in one second , my mood could change .
happy to solemn .
anger to guilt
sad to madness.
there's nothing for me to be happy about though ,
it's not like when i was in sec 2 ,
recess , Love would be at the canteen.
and laughter and crappy-ness just fills the moments we had together.
old times.
and instead of being happy,
my mood was , rather , more towards the angry side.
a slightest action that upsets the order of things should be carried out ,
i would be agitated and inevitably , i would glare at the person .
though i didn't meant it .
but just , argh !
agitated.
furious that things didn't turn out smoothly .
i don't know what had happened to me.
PERSON
i guess i'm not a fun person afterall .
i'm a big bully.
i dominate people's action
and i critisize.
i force people to do the stuff they are unwilling to do .
decy's is my number one victim .
i'm so sorry about what i've done for the past few years.
guilt-stricken when i thought about that ,
and she is still very patient and forgiving .
i'm her number two somemore .
the more i should appreciate her .
not wait until the moment when she leaves me ,
then i start crying and cherish the times we had .
gosh , this is getting more and more upset.
furthermore ,
i'm not a very fun person to be with .
i want the best
i want to win .
whatever , two words .
"competitive " and "emulative "
it require alot from me .
the two words are overwhelming for me to handle.
appearance , i may look like a smart ass ,
or i don't even look like one to some of you,
but reality , i'm not that smart .
i'm just being extra hardworking , that's all.
sorry guys , if i tend to contradict myself .
ETC
stop "tidying" up my life .
i'm so sorry about what i have done.
i thought it would be better if i didn't tell you how i feel.
can i ask for just one request ?
please , just one.
would you please ...
aiya ,
forget it , you won't do it anyway .
ETC 2
i think i've changed.
definitely not for the better.
but not exactly for the worse either ,
but it's just getting worse.
what the hell ,
i don't even understand myself.
howsun
how about this ?!
HOWSUN ROCK!
DON'T YOU AGREE ?! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY YEA !
howsun finish jotting down his notes at 11:11 PM
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