h o w s u n ((:

DAY & DATE : Friday, June 05, 2009

BEFORE IT EXPLODES ..
i'm feeling the emotions that i'm NOT supposed to feel
at this moment , at this stage .
jealousy - the green-eyed monster.
i can't believe that i'm still affected by people around me .
when i'm supposed to be independent on other people .
generally , today is just ...
--
firstly , i realised that it is precisely when one don't do anything , that's where it hurts most.
and realising that other people has taken over you in someone else's heart , and you no longer belonged there - sucks.
not because i'm replaced that i'm affected , but it's the old and the fresh that's of your concern ,
and what happens to the half fresh half old ?!
negligence. is it blissful ?!
and sucks more when one finds out that you met the fresh and the elder ones before you take off ?!
thanks much , for the temporary impact you made . although temporary , it affects.
emotions are temporary , and i wish that is it.
and what happens if i happen to see you with ...
argh , stop it howsun.
but , .. i just wish you could pay a little more attention to me.
--
i don't want to behave in a certain way because of certain groups of people.
i don't want to treat people in a particular manner because of self-interest.
i don't want to .. i don't want to ..
--
i'm currently in this state of mind where my brain decides to take a break
and pang-seh-ed me . sooo , you're reading what a zombie has typed on his blog.
--
note for myself :
control your care and concern , don't be over-concern because you might turn annoying .
control before people dislike you .
--
i happened to see my primary school's nickname :
We always ignore the ones who adore us, and adore the ones who ignore us.
yes , i feel like i'm in this state .
maybe not to the extent of adore .
i'm paying more attention to people who doesn't really care about me .
and yes , i believe in karma and i got mine.
--
and somethings just bothers me in my heart
is that i'm hoping for something which i know it's impossible to achieve ,
yet i'm still hoping , still waiting , praying for miracles to happen.
- oh , the leader of the leaders .
i'm hoping ..
i wish i could tell you what i'm feeling ..
--
to the peixuan and gadis :
i believe you're strong enough to handle what you're going through.
--
all these had destabilised my emotions during this evening .
i'm confused , literally and figuratively.
the disorder in my emotions is overwhelming.
i wished i am stronger emotionally.
--
despite all these thoughts that made me ): ,
i met up with my friend (: ,
to eat dinner and had a deserving dessert - MUDDY MUDPIE ! :D (if i'm not wrong)
coffee club . it's OMG delicious and i think that made me happy .
the more i eat , the happier i am .
and of course , the company (: thanks girl.
i'm so sorry for the zombie-fied state i was in.
haha , thanks for the time :D
--
but when i walked home , my mind turned into a mess again .
grr .
and i don't feel really productive today.
my mind is spinning ~~ WOOO ~
emotions are unpredictable.
):
--
and i think i'm so concern with my self-interest that i neglected people around me.
i apologise for that .
i wish i could control myself.
i felt restricted and difficult.
i am affected and confused.
i'm not happy lately.
--
happy birthday chengyi :)
thanks readers , for going through my emotions with me :)
howsun.

how about this ?!
HOWSUN ROCK!
DON'T YOU AGREE ?! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY YEA !
howsun finish jotting down his notes at 7:11 AM