h o w s u n ((:

DAY & DATE : Tuesday, September 22, 2009

HAHA ( what a way to start a post)
today , went school early.
school was fine ,
was just going with the flow ,
you know , the feeling of just going through the motion.
and i am losing focus yo!
starbucks till 8+
dark mocha was my dinner.
haha , it was such a self-indulging moment until i was called back to reality to start working on my chemistry papers :\
how heavenly.
but i have no complaints about chemistry.
it's general paper that stresses the hell out of me.
i wonder how people write good essays .
--
SIGH
you know ,
lately i've been rather malcontent.
probably studies .
but of course , there are other factors too which are probably best kept within me :)
i feel the peer pressure ,
which is something seen in a positive light usually.
but definitely there are times where peer pressure lose it's purpose as a motivation for students.
and to me, it has became unbearable.
i hope this feeling i'm having now is transient and momentary.
it has come a point where the pressure is so intense,
it has transcend my ability to comprehend that such tension could serve as a driving force for me to push myself to the bounderies.
my classmates are laudable and ingenious considering the grades they had for prelims.
and i was wondering why ,
nowadays , i've been made aware subconsciously of people who did very well in exams ?!
and it's not doing any good to me ,
it only manifest the hysteria i am in albeit the other part of me still attempt to regard them as motivation.
fortunately no one managed to notice it ,
but after reading this , probably they might :)
i want to do well , and it is poignant to see myself not improving .
and there , i know there will be people who dies to be in my position .
i have got the sense that no matter how much i try to elaborate ,
nobody will be able to understand the confusion i am in.
the worries that continuously haunts me before i sleep every night seems to prove that how mediocre i have been managing my studies.
not that i am lamenting that it's terrible,
maybe i just have too high an expectation for myself,
that when i failed to achieve my target, i fumble.
i am entering a state of malaise .
hopefully, this onus of studying would not disinterest me from studying and hinder my progress to pursue for excellence.
(argh, so wth.)
see what stress has done to me.
i have so much more to say,
nah , it's enough.
i shall have the doggedness to combat the discouragement i am allowing myself to give in to.
i shall strive :)
it came to me that today is such a reflective day , and when reflections and emotions are involved, inevitably, people like me tend to be more emotional.
so pardon me .
--
i'm jealous of a junior of mine .
he has this girlfriend that is especially sweet to him
and i mean , really sweet okay.
he's surrounded with nice people.
green-eyed.
don't even know why am i jealous.
maybe it's just a brief feeling.
anyway , my friends are the best . what more can i ask for ? :D
--
sometimes , life gets meaningless and aimless .
because you find yourself wearing a facade everyday ,
masquerading your bona fide self .
the only time you attain gratification is when you spent time with the one you desires to be with ,
even if it's just a simple conversation , it would mean a whole world to you.
that's where i begin to find people intriguing, or fascinating , if you like it that way.
that people don't usually take notice of things that has been done for them ,
the only thing they care is people they are enamoured with.
and hey, i am no exception.
--
to be frank,
this is probably one of the post i spend alot of time typing out .
--
and , i love simple bus rides with you.
bus rides with you are like fantasy ,
second to none and most excellent.
such a blessing ;)
--
i hope my optimism would slowly retrieve my willingness to die for success ,
the hunger for excellence , the thirst for victory ,
bringing back my eagerness to studies ,
so that it engenders an impetus in my studies.
hopefully .
-
23 Sept
12.45 AM
howsun.

how about this ?!
HOWSUN ROCK!
DON'T YOU AGREE ?! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY YEA !
howsun finish jotting down his notes at 8:33 AM